Shattered
by Jessica12
Summary: L/L /(AU) Lorelai says goodbye to Luke /(CD) PLEASE REVIEW


Title: Shattered  
Author: Jessica  
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se   
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where   
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se  
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.  
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. The poem is called  
"Funeral Blues" by W.H.Auden.  
Summary: Lorelai says goodbye to Luke. (CD)  
AUTHORS NOTE:I know, I know...It's not a happy one...But I just   
had to get this out of my system.  
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistakes may occur.  
  
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"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone  
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone  
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum  
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come  
  
Let airplanes circle moaning overhead  
Scribbling in the sky the message: "He is dead"  
Put crepe bows around the white necks of the public doves  
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves  
  
He was my north, my south, my east and west  
My working week and my Sunday rest  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song  
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong  
  
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood  
For nothing now can ever come to any good."  
  
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Shattered  
by: Jessica  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
  
Life can change in a minute.  
In a blink of an eye.  
For me it was a phone call.  
I never thought it could happen so fast.  
It could hurt so.  
At first I thought it was some nasty joke.  
I refused to believe it at first.  
It couldn't be true.  
Then she came.  
Sookie.  
She told me the truth.  
It was an accident.  
A slippery road.  
A tree.  
A broken neck.  
A shattered life.  
Luke.  
I stood there in the middle of my living room trying to not fall   
apart.  
It couldn't...  
Not possible.  
Not him.  
Anyone but him.  
Luke.  
She came to me and saved me.  
Held me while pain ate at my heart causing it to break into millions  
of pieces.  
He couldn't be....  
Gone.  
  
---------------------  
  
She came to me that morning.  
Trying to ease my pain.  
She came into my room and lay down beside me.  
Whispered words of comfort.  
My friend.  
My daughter.  
Rory.  
She held me.  
The morning sun made its presence known in my room.  
I wanted to beg it to go away.  
It couldn't be morning.  
Not yet.  
Today was the day I was going to say goodbye.  
I needed more time.  
To weep for him.  
Long for him.  
Love him.  
Can't say goodbye.  
Never.  
Never part.  
  
----------------------  
  
Dressed in black.  
I sat in front of my mirror trying to comb my hair.  
Hands trembling.  
Only one hour now.  
Till goodbye.  
I sat there staring into the mirror hoping that it would   
give back his living face.  
But all I saw was myself.  
"Are you ready?"  
Sookie was standing in the doorway.  
Dressed in a black.  
I turned around towards her.  
"No."  
I rose.  
"Honey.."  
"I don't want to go...That would be admitting that..he is gone.  
And I don't think I can handle that."  
"Oh, honey..No.."  
I turned away from her.  
"I don't know if I can make it without him. He was the strong one.  
He was my savior. The one I went to when..."  
"We all miss him."  
"Tell me why this happened. Why? Why him?"  
Tears filled my eyes.  
Pain ripped at my heart.  
"I can't.."  
"Why..Luke? I don't know how to live without him..He has been there  
for me for so long. Sometimes it seems like he has been there my  
whole life. How can I make it without him? How?"  
"We all are there for you."  
"But I want HIM. Luke."  
I stumbled forward.  
"Honey..."  
She reached for me but I avoided her hand.  
"Why wasn't anyone there to save him?"  
"Lorelai..It was an accident."  
I sat down on my bed and bowed my head.  
For the first time in a long time I prayed.  
And I kept hoping he would hear me this time.  
"I have never asked you for anything. I know that we haven't talked  
for so long. But I will give up everything. I will give you everything.  
My heart, my soul...Whatever you want...Just bring him back to me...  
Safe and unharmed. Please, I'm begging you. Don't do this. Not him...  
Please..."  
Silence.  
Silence.  
No answer.  
Her arms around me.  
I fell into her.  
And I cried.  
  
-----------------------------  
  
So it came.  
To say goodbye.  
The church was filled to the max.  
Everyone was there.  
Taylor.  
Babette.  
Even my mother and father.  
White roses.  
White lilies.  
Candles.  
I sat on the second row.  
Holding Rory's hand.  
Clinging to human touch.  
Trying not to cry.  
The coffin.  
His coffin.  
I had hard time believing that it was actually his.  
It couldn't be...  
I couldn't listen to the priest's words.  
Like any words could bring me comfort.  
Feeling so cold.  
Pain.  
Getting harder to breath.  
Everything was over so fast.  
Time to say goodbye.  
So fast.  
I rose.  
I never thought my legs would carry me to the coffin.  
But they did.  
I stood there in front of his coffin clinging to a rose I was   
holding in my hand.  
Like a rose could keep me from falling.  
But I didn't care what.  
The church was so beautiful.  
I think he would have hated that.  
My hands trembled as I took two steps forward and placed a single  
red rose on top of the casket.  
"I don't know how to say goodbye to you. I have tried to understand   
why this happened. I tried to find answers but no answers where given  
to me. I don't know if I can live without you. I don't know if I even  
want to try."  
Tears filled my eyes.  
Seeing his face.  
Smiling.  
His eyes.  
His hands.  
His arms.  
All of him.  
"I never told you...I thought it would be better left unsaid...I   
thought I might lose you..So I let time...Part us...I can't forgive  
myself for that. But I hope you will. I love you, Luke. I have always  
loved you. Please, come back to me. I'm begging you...Come back.."  
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the floor.  
I didn't care who saw me.  
Who heard me.  
Let them all talk.  
But no one can help me now.  
No one.  
No words.  
They say time heals all wounds.  
Wrong.  
I rose.  
I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and said:  
"I will not leave you again. I will not give up on you. I love you.  
And if you can't come...I'm hoping that you will promise one thing...  
To wait for me....I love you."  
Then I turned around and walked towards the doorway to the church.  
Rory and Sookie were waiting outside.  
I know one thing.  
This is not the end for us.  
I refuse to believe that.  
He can never leave me.  
He is a part of me.  
He lives inside of me.  
I will come again.  
To talk to him.  
Luke.  
Friend.  
  
---------------------------  
FEEDBACK..YES PLEASE:::::  
  
*YEAH, I know....A..uhhhhhhhh.;/(..I know that...I just had to get  
all of those feelings out of me. I have been to so many funerals...  
I have followed to many of those I love to the grave and I wanted   
just to let out some...of those feelings.... 


End file.
